Some days ago, i went to bookstore after almost a half of year on going-to-bookstore-hiatus. Several months ago, I found so many reading materials from internet and satisfied by it to the extent i don’t need any book’s supply. While was roaming amid some book shelves, If I were a Boy remix by Beyonce & R. Kelly that was playing caught my attention and this idea just popped up in my head. This is my version of “If I were a Boy”, just a vague image of what i do expect from this creature, hehe :)

Important to notice that this is out of melody.

If I were a Boy

(soaringji’s version)

If I were a boy

I’ll be carefully in declaring my promises

Because I knew that she will carve it in her heart meticulously

If I were a Boy

I’ll ask her gently about what she really want

Because I know she wont reveal it willingly

I know ignorance could break her, slight rudeness could kill her

If I were a Boy

I will hold her hand if she is angry and refuse to let go

I’ll tell her that i’m imperfect, but so she is

But i’m willing to hold onto her and complete her

Is’t it enough to make me perfect for her?

…………………………………………………..

I’ll try not to be too selfish while was writing this. The remix of this song just remind me that a relationship is indeed made by two people, two unique entities with each unique set of traits, experiences, expectations and so on. Selfishness could do nothing but mess it up.

Tonight is the full-moon night.

The sky is lighter than usual, i love it, it feels warm. I feel like to spend the whole night by sitting in the roof but i know my mom wouldn’t permit me, moreover, i don’t really have any logical reason to do so. My mind is just too wild to be defined in logic way. Mmmh, i remember something by the way, something that happened several days ago. Let me tell you...

Today, I came accross a video cut of a korean television program. The tittle is Illegal TVXQ fan, by that kind of tittle, at first i thought it was a fanmade video, unfortunately it wasn’t. The highlight of the video was how a group of teen girls operate to follow their idol, how they can find the location of their idol at certain time. I found it creepy when i saw by my own eyes they could stalk their idol till late night and mostly could locate their idol by corporate with other sasaeng, taxi driver, and even bodyguard of the certain  idol. Ther really are organized well.

I knew there are stalker, but just by now i understand how it works and i never thought that they would do to that extent. Somehow it made me wondering how far idol culture have effected korean youth , this culture also turned some teens to professinal spy. I’m not korean nor do i live in Korea. In addition, i just know Kpop on its very surface, I hardly know how the real climate of these whole kpop culture. But i thougt it safe to say that this behavior is kinda excessive and can indicate mental problem. Eventually, i found strong urge to canvass some researchs regarding this issue, Korean psychologists better  already had taken some actions. This whole Kpop culture is intrigue, indeed.

What a holiday...

There were some burdensome chores left, but i had chosen to ignore it. I was in the halfway of my holiday when i realize ignorance wasn’t such a solution. Then, thought about it, had i been such a bufflehead to come to conclusion that ignorance could become a solution? Yeah, i thought i had -_-“

I hope i could finish all that chores as soon as possible, i want rest my mind in peace when ramadhan come.

I was superb excited when i deliberately  checked @BimaAryaS ‘s tweets -actually, it has been my habit, couldn’t help it :P- and found that one of the recent tweets said that he will join discussion in AKI Malam that night. Whoaaaaaaaaa!! i have been waited for AGES to see him & hear his brilliant comment over hot political issues.I even lost my count how long it has lasted from the last time i saw him on TV, it just lasted too long *sobs* i miss him badly –was i being too honest?-

I squeled my head off when MC mentioned all 4 party's representatives including Mas Bima, and I set up myself in front of the TV, smiling from ear to ear.Babo!XD. That night’s discussion ia about TNI & Military's voting right. The segment was short & there are 4 party’s representatives , with different opinions, so i could have imagine Mas Bima wouldn’t have so many time to utter his opinion, but i would have just faced it. He only need 10 minutes to make me no longer sane anyway~

13 July 2010

Because i’m Weary (ost. God of Study)

By : Ernest

An old story about a dream is knocking my heart

Something too far away that i cannot reach

Because i’m weary, cause i’m weary

Because i’m weary, cause i’m weary

*

Among the world’s high walled

I plug my ears and sing a song from my childhood

Remember about the woods that has neither start nor  than end

I reassured my heart that was wandering in the woods

Because i’m weary, cause i’m weary

The shaking day comes and unexpected sound makes my heart throb

The throb cab’t be forgotten even i frown my face

Because I love You, cause I love You

Because I love You, cause I love You

The winds touch the heart

Never forget about the things that covering my eyes

My mind is wandering and feel anguish

My breath is gasping and i wipe the sweat

Because I love You, cause I love You

Back to *)

The said day was an busy & emotional day.

      i feel really weary being an adult. Demand and expectation are everywhereeeee... till i find myself barely could breath freely and smell the sweet scent of my own life. Sounds dramatic? Yeah, there you go when you are getting older. Haha :D

I demand myself a perfection, i demand myself for no mistake. But, how on earth i could fullfil it? I’m a learner, isn’t it propr for a learner making a mistake as along as she/he strive to fix it? All those over expectation over myself often lead me to no action, no creation, and for me, spent my precious time without achieve anything is horrible! I got nerve wracking horror when i realized how much time i’ve spent for NOTHING. Unfruitful life is curse! That’s why i often find myself annoying as hell! *sigh* it is exhausting! Really Exhausting! *sobs*

DBSK is Yunho, Changmin, Jaejoong, Yoochun, & Junsu <3

These boys have made me fall in love! <3

  It seems really really late, but whatsoever, i don’t care! For me, this and another really-late-reactions just affirm that i’m not eassily fall in to a rush, it’s fine for me to not follow the trend, though so many times my reactions really too late- i start my celebration long after the real celebration has ended! XD
Like this one. Some friends also complained about this.
  Me and my –late- on fire passion onto the boys made them wondering where did in the world actually this girl live??
How can she doesn’t know DBSK before?? XDDDD i want to state that i knew them before, since high school, i’m sure i don’t get it wrong. But at that time, i didn’t interested in them at all and it is make sense cause what have catch my attention lately are their later work, not their early. But, i still admit that there is a long delay. So, i’m not troubled by their complains, i can get what they might think clearly,
“They have been a legend, but this girl behave like they are just debuted their first album.” Haha, indeed, they ain’t wrong at all.
These boys carve up a deep impression on me. Seriously. Abundance work of them and everything related to them that i can found in the internet dominate my collection because seriously, i’m not only falling into their work but also falling into them as a person. In the name of simplicity, i would say that they are my new addiction.
In line with my getting-older-self, i want to be wiser as well *ehemm* In my opinion, it is childish when u can’t clearly define reasons that underlie your action. I’m not such a blinded fan, i have logic argument about this. So, by this case, i want to show the world that i’m not such a childish girl anymore! No, I’m not! (however, i think everybody still can feel the vibration of childish-ness around me, don’t you? XD)
( There are more rambles about five super gorgeous boys!! click here!! ^^ )

21st June 2010

My whole family had to unite to be sucessful drag me out of home during holiday. Hoho :D

I got major goosebumps when the glimse of Madrasah Al-Falah and the crowd gather there was cought by my eyes. That night, my mom asked me to accompany her attended imtihan night-something like graduation. Both of my lil sist & my lil brother are studying there. Tight hug to my lil sist who graduated this year. Congratz Mey!! ;D

I was feeling awkward when first time arrived there, i hardly ever have touch with this community, in additions, everything looked smaller than it used to be as if this place was miniature of madrasah where i used to learn back then. Somehow, it was obviouS becouse this madrasah is the SAME madrasah where i used to learn and ofcourse i was no longer in my tiny size. I had spent 7 years of my life in this madrasah, yet I had graduated about 9 years ago, hence it was expected i barely remembered those times when i had learnt there. Nonetheless, nostalgic feeling still gripp me tight made a smile plastered in my face *reminiscence is my treasure~* From what i can remember, imtihan's night was always a big day for me, i would have to perform on stage and i usually had more than just a performance *hehe*, the celebrations alwalys held after isya and it just made the atmosphere more festive.